Sunday, 15 December 2013

30 Day Challenge Review - Part 2: mental state

Mental State:
For someone who has the heart of an optimist but the head of a sceptic, this cleanse really challenged me. I just re-read my first post that started all this, and I was trying to re-connect with that girl who was sad and mad and wounded and determined. Happily I can report that the sad and mad have mostly faded away. In their place are feelings of peace and hope. Determined? Always have been, always will be but also feeling accomplished now too. As for wounded, well that one's a little trickier.

This challenge allowed me to acknowledge the hurt and shame and devastation I felt at being abandoned by Archer and two women I considered to be my sisters. And when I found out (after the fact, and not from him) that Archer had left me for a much younger, much cooler someone else (let's call her - Crystal), this challenge gave me permission to not be ok with how deep the hurt went. Especially when I saw my old friends all hanging out together, but with Crystal taking my spot at the dinner table. In a chair that was still warm from my swift departure. Feeling like you have been erased and replaced is a terrible and humbling experience. Some days the force of it took my breathe away.

But then something wonderful happened - during this challenge my wound started to heal. And now, where once there was a jagged, dark and deep void, is a shiny, new scar. This scar tissue of mine is not pretty or smooth, but it is hard won and I am proud of it. So do I love love again? How I wish I could say yes. I want to say yes, and I think that is an important point. But at this stage my answer is still no. However, I think love and I could be friends.

To fall in love requires bravery and trust. I know I am brave, but I realise now that I have lost the ability to trust people, including my friends, my family and myself. This scared me at first. After all, the majority of my friends, and all of my family have been nothing short of incredible in rallying around me and have never given me any cause to doubt or question their love and affection. But life is not fair and this is where I am.

As for trusting myself, I knew who Archer was, and what his limitations were. I knew his past behaviour was going to be the best indicator of his future actions, but I ignored my instinct so I could be with the man I loved and had adored for 10 years. So that is what I am working on now - listening to my intuition, sharpening my instinct and trying to trust myself and my decisions again. And when I can master that, then maybe I won't hesitate before talking to a friend; I won't have to think 'can I trust them? Will I care if they tell someone else?' before deciding whether to share what's on my mind or in my heart. 

So here I am, feeling much happier and much stronger for taking 30 days to focus on me. It's an experience I would recommend for anyone wondering about their place in the world. I'm certainly one step closer to finding mine.

L x

Thursday, 5 December 2013

30 Day Challenge Review - Part 1: physical state

Hello beautiful blog. I've been avoiding you.

I know, not very mature but I just thought that if I ran away from you then we'd never have to say goodbye! But here I am now, ready to look back at the 30 days of October that seemed to go by so fast. So, with the silly season upon us, and carols playing in the background - let's begin!

Physical State:
I have never been someone who does anything more for my health and wellbeing other than attempt to eat healthy and exercise enough to balance out all boozing, late nights and frivolity that come with being a young-ish person. So having a set routine of supplements and tonics and vitamins took a while to become routine for me. But after about two weeks it came to feel quite normal and the very simple routine of it became just another part of my day. And yes, the taste of things also improved! I am quite sure that I will never forget my first day on this cleanse though. What an experience!

In 30 days I lost 5.4kg and 34cm from my body. My hip has never felt better. It's like I have never been injured at all. A month later, and many late nights, and long days, and bad food choices have had hardly any effect. My general health is strong and has survived a month of eating and drinking to excess. Clearly my immune and digestive systems have become bullet proof. Whether it was the miracle powders and potions or my commitment to focusing on my health and wellbeing, or a combination of both - it worked. As evidenced by my 30 days of posts, each day I felt stronger and lighter and more centred. That month really felt like a gift, and the fact that I also got to spend a lot of it at home relaxing, I am sure contributed to my overall feeling of wellness.

So would I recommend this program to my nearest and dearest? Would I suggest that they part with their hard earned cash? Yes I would. If you want to put in some serious work to improve your own health and have a program that supports you to do so - go for it. I can only speak for me, but it worked for me and what I wanted to achieve. I am so glad that I trusted my dear Kristy and let her lead me down this path.

I have no interest in advertising or profiting from the company that has created this program so I have purposely avoided mentioning them by name. But, if you want to know more, or even give it a try, get in touch and I will forward your details to Kristy.

For now, stay tuned for part 2 of my 30 day challenge review, the much trickier, much more impactful mental and emotional aspects of my cleanse. I promise it won't be so long between drinks this time :)

L x