Sunday, 3 November 2013

Day 30: the finish line

I feel quite emotional writing this post. Has it really been 30 days? It feels like months and years but also only moments and seconds. But I think I will save the reflection and analysis for tomorrow once I have done my final weigh and measure. 

So today - the final cleanse day. I have no qualms in saying I will not miss these. This was my first cleanse day where I actually had to be at work and use my brain for something other than sun baking and music selection. What a mother fucker.

It was nice to get up this morning and be able to make my berry cocktail in a water bottle and take it with me to the train. Usually I am attempting to drink my shake while doing my make up and packing my bag for work. I packed a little bag with my berry cocktail powder and a couple of the green tea chocolates and headed to work. At 9:30am I had a half a chocolate to keep my blood sugar up and happily worked away until 11:30am when I had my second berry cocktail. It was fairly easy to prepare and drink at work, I just poured two scoops of powder into my water bottle, filled it up, gave it a good shake then sipped on it at my desk.

Everything was good and I had no dips in energy until about 12:30pm when people started heating up their lunches. I work in an area of the business with a lot of Indian contractors, and all of a sudden, the most delicious, mouth-watering smells were emanating from the kitchen - sweet, hot curry, fluffy basmati rice, soft naan breads and toasted spices. I had to stop myself from snatching the food out of their hands. I was like a caged animal just looking for a way out. I had the other half of my (very disappointing) chocolate and tried to shut out the thoughts of food.

By 3pm I was hating everything about this cleanse. It was dumb, its creators were dumb, their whole families were dumb. And that little voice in my head was telling me to forget the cleanse, hey it was the last day - what did it matter if I ate now? Thankfully drinking my cocktail gave me some much needed minerals and nutrients and the stabby feelings receded.. for a while.

The afternoon passed with me consuming another chocolate, completing my meetings for the day then getting out of my still delicious smelling office as quick as my feet could carry me. As soon as I was out the door I started having a very elaborate fantasy about what I was going to have for dinner - FFS! And then the serious bargaining in my head began. I am happy to say that as I am typing this, I have thus far resisted all temptation and am a paragon of virtue. I just had my dinner cocktail and am going to take myself to bed now so that this day can be over!

So many people have asked me what I'm going to have for breakfast tomorrow to celebrate but in all honesty - I think I'll just have a shake. I have to get up so early for work that being able to quickly make a shake is an easy and great option. But as for lunch.. well that I will be plotting and planning as I fall asleep tonight. Only to be topped by what I'm going to have for dinner - oooohhhh yeaaaahhhhhh :)

L x

Summary
Mental state - obsessed with food
Physical state - alive!

P.S. So that's it. 30 days all blogged and recorded. No more daily check ins, no more writing down my feelings and routine to write up later, no more obsessing over taking all my pills and potions. This little self experiment is done and dusted. And if I wasn't on an effing cleanse day I would celebrate with a glass of wine the size of my head. Never mind - delayed gratification. I shall celebrate tomorrow.