Sunday, 15 December 2013

30 Day Challenge Review - Part 2: mental state

Mental State:
For someone who has the heart of an optimist but the head of a sceptic, this cleanse really challenged me. I just re-read my first post that started all this, and I was trying to re-connect with that girl who was sad and mad and wounded and determined. Happily I can report that the sad and mad have mostly faded away. In their place are feelings of peace and hope. Determined? Always have been, always will be but also feeling accomplished now too. As for wounded, well that one's a little trickier.

This challenge allowed me to acknowledge the hurt and shame and devastation I felt at being abandoned by Archer and two women I considered to be my sisters. And when I found out (after the fact, and not from him) that Archer had left me for a much younger, much cooler someone else (let's call her - Crystal), this challenge gave me permission to not be ok with how deep the hurt went. Especially when I saw my old friends all hanging out together, but with Crystal taking my spot at the dinner table. In a chair that was still warm from my swift departure. Feeling like you have been erased and replaced is a terrible and humbling experience. Some days the force of it took my breathe away.

But then something wonderful happened - during this challenge my wound started to heal. And now, where once there was a jagged, dark and deep void, is a shiny, new scar. This scar tissue of mine is not pretty or smooth, but it is hard won and I am proud of it. So do I love love again? How I wish I could say yes. I want to say yes, and I think that is an important point. But at this stage my answer is still no. However, I think love and I could be friends.

To fall in love requires bravery and trust. I know I am brave, but I realise now that I have lost the ability to trust people, including my friends, my family and myself. This scared me at first. After all, the majority of my friends, and all of my family have been nothing short of incredible in rallying around me and have never given me any cause to doubt or question their love and affection. But life is not fair and this is where I am.

As for trusting myself, I knew who Archer was, and what his limitations were. I knew his past behaviour was going to be the best indicator of his future actions, but I ignored my instinct so I could be with the man I loved and had adored for 10 years. So that is what I am working on now - listening to my intuition, sharpening my instinct and trying to trust myself and my decisions again. And when I can master that, then maybe I won't hesitate before talking to a friend; I won't have to think 'can I trust them? Will I care if they tell someone else?' before deciding whether to share what's on my mind or in my heart. 

So here I am, feeling much happier and much stronger for taking 30 days to focus on me. It's an experience I would recommend for anyone wondering about their place in the world. I'm certainly one step closer to finding mine.

L x

Thursday, 5 December 2013

30 Day Challenge Review - Part 1: physical state

Hello beautiful blog. I've been avoiding you.

I know, not very mature but I just thought that if I ran away from you then we'd never have to say goodbye! But here I am now, ready to look back at the 30 days of October that seemed to go by so fast. So, with the silly season upon us, and carols playing in the background - let's begin!

Physical State:
I have never been someone who does anything more for my health and wellbeing other than attempt to eat healthy and exercise enough to balance out all boozing, late nights and frivolity that come with being a young-ish person. So having a set routine of supplements and tonics and vitamins took a while to become routine for me. But after about two weeks it came to feel quite normal and the very simple routine of it became just another part of my day. And yes, the taste of things also improved! I am quite sure that I will never forget my first day on this cleanse though. What an experience!

In 30 days I lost 5.4kg and 34cm from my body. My hip has never felt better. It's like I have never been injured at all. A month later, and many late nights, and long days, and bad food choices have had hardly any effect. My general health is strong and has survived a month of eating and drinking to excess. Clearly my immune and digestive systems have become bullet proof. Whether it was the miracle powders and potions or my commitment to focusing on my health and wellbeing, or a combination of both - it worked. As evidenced by my 30 days of posts, each day I felt stronger and lighter and more centred. That month really felt like a gift, and the fact that I also got to spend a lot of it at home relaxing, I am sure contributed to my overall feeling of wellness.

So would I recommend this program to my nearest and dearest? Would I suggest that they part with their hard earned cash? Yes I would. If you want to put in some serious work to improve your own health and have a program that supports you to do so - go for it. I can only speak for me, but it worked for me and what I wanted to achieve. I am so glad that I trusted my dear Kristy and let her lead me down this path.

I have no interest in advertising or profiting from the company that has created this program so I have purposely avoided mentioning them by name. But, if you want to know more, or even give it a try, get in touch and I will forward your details to Kristy.

For now, stay tuned for part 2 of my 30 day challenge review, the much trickier, much more impactful mental and emotional aspects of my cleanse. I promise it won't be so long between drinks this time :)

L x

Sunday, 3 November 2013

Day 30: the finish line

I feel quite emotional writing this post. Has it really been 30 days? It feels like months and years but also only moments and seconds. But I think I will save the reflection and analysis for tomorrow once I have done my final weigh and measure. 

So today - the final cleanse day. I have no qualms in saying I will not miss these. This was my first cleanse day where I actually had to be at work and use my brain for something other than sun baking and music selection. What a mother fucker.

It was nice to get up this morning and be able to make my berry cocktail in a water bottle and take it with me to the train. Usually I am attempting to drink my shake while doing my make up and packing my bag for work. I packed a little bag with my berry cocktail powder and a couple of the green tea chocolates and headed to work. At 9:30am I had a half a chocolate to keep my blood sugar up and happily worked away until 11:30am when I had my second berry cocktail. It was fairly easy to prepare and drink at work, I just poured two scoops of powder into my water bottle, filled it up, gave it a good shake then sipped on it at my desk.

Everything was good and I had no dips in energy until about 12:30pm when people started heating up their lunches. I work in an area of the business with a lot of Indian contractors, and all of a sudden, the most delicious, mouth-watering smells were emanating from the kitchen - sweet, hot curry, fluffy basmati rice, soft naan breads and toasted spices. I had to stop myself from snatching the food out of their hands. I was like a caged animal just looking for a way out. I had the other half of my (very disappointing) chocolate and tried to shut out the thoughts of food.

By 3pm I was hating everything about this cleanse. It was dumb, its creators were dumb, their whole families were dumb. And that little voice in my head was telling me to forget the cleanse, hey it was the last day - what did it matter if I ate now? Thankfully drinking my cocktail gave me some much needed minerals and nutrients and the stabby feelings receded.. for a while.

The afternoon passed with me consuming another chocolate, completing my meetings for the day then getting out of my still delicious smelling office as quick as my feet could carry me. As soon as I was out the door I started having a very elaborate fantasy about what I was going to have for dinner - FFS! And then the serious bargaining in my head began. I am happy to say that as I am typing this, I have thus far resisted all temptation and am a paragon of virtue. I just had my dinner cocktail and am going to take myself to bed now so that this day can be over!

So many people have asked me what I'm going to have for breakfast tomorrow to celebrate but in all honesty - I think I'll just have a shake. I have to get up so early for work that being able to quickly make a shake is an easy and great option. But as for lunch.. well that I will be plotting and planning as I fall asleep tonight. Only to be topped by what I'm going to have for dinner - oooohhhh yeaaaahhhhhh :)

L x

Mental state - obsessed with food
Physical state - alive!

P.S. So that's it. 30 days all blogged and recorded. No more daily check ins, no more writing down my feelings and routine to write up later, no more obsessing over taking all my pills and potions. This little self experiment is done and dusted. And if I wasn't on an effing cleanse day I would celebrate with a glass of wine the size of my head. Never mind - delayed gratification. I shall celebrate tomorrow.

Wednesday, 30 October 2013

Day 29: the bionic woman

I had a great sleep which made it easier to get up early as I had a chiro appointment in the afternoon that I needed to leave work early for. I had my tonic and shake and headed off to work at 7:30am.

As per the day before, I was STARVING by 10am. I settled that with a cup of tea but only made it until 11:45am before I went and had a sushi lunch. I can only assume it is the huge amounts of brain power that I am using to learn my new job that is making me ravenous. The day passed in another blur of learning and concentration and then I was on my way to the chiro. For the first time in over a year, and despite the fact that I had been sick with a migraine on Saturday, my hips were perfectly straight and aligned. I can't really explain how good that was to hear. This is REAL progress. This is healing.

I bounced out of the chiro so excited about what that meant for me in my recovery and headed for home. Then hunger struck - again. Deciding to listen to my body I went to my favourite sushi train in the city and ordered my favourite dishes while sipping a green tea and reflecting on how good my hips are becoming (and yes, that's sushi twice in one day).

Once home, I decided to drink as much water as possible before turning in for an early night ahead of my final day on the challenge and my last cleanse day!

L x

Mental state - tired
Physical state - strong! (..and hungry)

Monday, 28 October 2013

Day 28: just another manic Monday

So maybe being smug about having a migraine then drinking for 10 hours was a little premature. I was excited to start a full week at my lovely new job but had to drrrraaaaaagggggggg my sorry ass out of bed. And then I felt like I was playing catch up for the rest of the day. 

I'm not sure if it's because I'm drinking my breakfast shake so early or because of the hangover hangover but I was ravenous from about 10am. I ate half a fibre snacks bar at morning tea time, then only just made it to 12:30pm to eat some sushi for lunch.

After that I was too busy to think about food and the afternoon passed in a blur of new information and learning. By the time I made it home I was so exhausted that I made my dinner and went to bed at 8pm! 

Only two more days left in this little big challenge, and I think it's fair to say I'm going to miss it when it's over.

L x

Mental state - tired
Physical state - hungry

Day 27: the hangover

After the excess of Saturday night and the very late hour I fell into bed, it is no wonder that when I woke up at 8am all I did was feed the cats, drink a bottle of water and fall straight back into bed before my hangover had time to realise that I was awake.

Opening my eyes at 11am I was expecting the worst. Of course I was. You can't throw a cleanse right out the window and expect to get off easily... or can you? Turns out I was extremely tired but NOT hungover!

So I had my tonic and shake then settled into the couch for a long day of watching movies and resting. At lunch time I made myself a scrambled egg and mushroom wrap with chilli sauce and watched World War Z. Before I knew it, it was Sunday night so I had my shake and watched some David Attenborough before taking myself to bed at 8:30pm for an early night.

I was drinking water constantly throughout the day to help my body process the alcohol I had consumed but apart from being tired all day I was good as gold (just another sign I am becoming a super hero).

L x

Mental state - surprised, reflective
Physical state - tired

Sunday, 27 October 2013

Day 26: wine, women and song

I woke up feeling refreshed and energized - that was a big sleep! However, just as I was getting up to start my day, disaster struck - I got a migraine! I quickly took my tonic shot and followed it with some painkillers before making my shake and heading straight back to bed. As soon as I had finished my shake I lay back down, closed my eyes and tried to sleep it off. Amazingly I was able to go to sleep and I managed to get through the migraine with minimal pain and in good time. I stayed in bed until the very last minute before I had to get up, have a shake, shower and head out for my girls afternoon that had been in the planning for a month. There was no way I was going to miss this day. I felt pretty spacey and sore but knew that a couple of beverages would help that.

That is the first migraine I've had in 26 days which is a significant milestone for me and my dodgy hips, but is not surprising considering the stress of starting a new job. What is surprising is how quickly I was able to recover and actually get myself out of bed and able to form coherent thoughts.

What followed was an afternoon and evening of lots of fun and laughter and booze! Being with these awesome chicks made me feel so much better that I kind of threw the cleanse out the window and went with the flow. Including late night, drunken McDonald's. I wish I could remember if it was any good. Eventually I collapsed into bed in the wee hours of the morning trying to drink as much water as possible before my eyes finally closed.

That is a fairly short update for what was a long and lovely evening but the main thing I took away from this day is that good company can cure just about anything.

L x

Mental state - spacey but excited
Physical state - bit sore and achey